Queen of Bliss, Joeann Fossland

Or does the way your life looks depend on the economy? The acceptance and expectations of others? Or the needs of others? Whew....we don't live in a rarefied existence where we are oblivious to and unaffected by the rest of the world....and yet, the happiest people have learned how to accept all this AND live a life that is 100% theirs!

As I work with coaching clients, the question of "what % of their life is theirs?" is one of the questions on my initial welcome package. Rarely do I see and response of 100%. It also seems the lower the percentage, the more stress that person is feeling. I know one of the causes of stress is the feeling of helplessness about things we have no control over. We all have situations and circumstances in our lives we can't control. It's how we perceive them that causes the stress or not.

I also have found when I work with people about creating goals, there are often goals that aren't really theirs, but expectations of others-their manager, or spouse, or parents. We often are trying to live up to other's expectations of us or our own that were, perhaps, created long ago and no longer hold any juice for us. It is OK to let go of these goals and it doesn't mean you are a failure!

So, my question for you today is "How much of your life is yours?"

Ask yourself these questions:

• What goals do I have that I am not passionate about?
• Who else expects me to work on that goal?
• Why do I need to hold onto this goal?
• What's the worst that could happen if I let go of this goal?
• What daily activities do I do because someone else wants me to (and I don't)?
• What circumstances are in my life right now that keep me from doing what I want?
• What people keep sucking my time and energy so I can't do what I want?

Now, if you've been reading the last couple of weeks, you'll recognize the recent topics are closely related:

You ARE like those you hang out with...Is it time to upgrade?
And
Being The Person Who Has the most energy to give....

One blog comment when these were posted asked if that meant we shouldn't do housework, etc., if we were not passionate about it.

The real truth is that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! NOTHING!!!! You don't have to get out of bed, go to work, make money, do the dishes.....none of it. Everything you do is YOUR choice. Now, that doesn't mean there aren't consequences to not doing certain things, but in the end, it is ALL your choice each day. Tasks can be delegated. They can be dropped altogether. They can be changed so they are joyful.

Start by answering the questions above. Recognizing where you feel you don't have any choice is the first step to either owning that you do have a choice or coming up with a way to let go of the goal, task, responsibility. Sometimes, we just need to accept situations and quit resisting and wishing they were different. Accepting what "is" allows you to get on with it instead of being stuck and in victim mode. From there you can create an experience that is happier. I think of Viktor Frankl and this story in Man's Search For Meaning: to be in a concentration camp and still be able to call his life his own! If you have never read his book...it is an amazing true story of one man's triumph over his circumstances!

Then, after you discover where you are giving away your power...you are free to choose to continue to feel disempowered, to make a request, change or a shift or you could decide to accept that it is the way it is. If you feel stuck in moving through this, get a coach to help you see what you don't see or help you examine your choices. The cool thing is...we ALWAYS Have choices! Make some good ones!

Have a Marvelous Week! It IS up to you!!!!!

I know you know this......You have to take care of yourself FIRST!!!! ALWAYS. You can only give to others in proportion to what you have. If you are tired, scared, frantic or beat up...you don't have much to offer the people you want to serve. And, even though you know this, why do I keep talking with people who are making half as much working twice as hard and are just plain tired?.....Why is it so hard to stop and re-center, focus and begin in the beginning? And that beginning is to nurture and love you.

Yes, it may sound selfish and that's what I want you to claim in 2010-

Extreme Selfishness (as in SELF CARE)  in taking care of YOUR NEEDS.

I have enjoyed and learned from the books and recordings I have of Esther & Jerry Hicks and the teachings of Abraham-where the recent Law of Attraction work all started. I read their latest book, The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships, on our Hawaiian vacation. It was so calming to sit on the beach and think about where and what I was resisting in my life and see how to let go, so the resistance didn't distract me or get me stuck from getting the things I REALLY want.

Here is a quote from Abraham's Teachings, "Your greatest value to others is when you are joyful. Your greatest value to others is when you are connected. Your greatest value to others is to be radiantly healthy. Your greatest value to others is when you are happy. Your greatest value to others is to have and to be and do all the things that are very important to you. And as you are living that and vibrating that and oozing that and radiating that - then you are a catalyst that is inspiring others to an awareness of that." Abraham-Hicks

Isn't that wonderful? Can you take it in? Your job is to take care of YOU...so you can serve the people in your life you want to serve.

Here are a few ways to take better care of yourself:

• Take at least one full day off each week
• Schedule the time for vacations whether it's a staycation or a trip around the world!
• Put regular appointments on your calendar for the things that nourish you: watching the sunset, reading, massages, getting together with people you love, playing tennis, golf....OK, hopefully you get the idea.
• Ask others to help you!
• Give up things that don't give you joy anymore
• Take up a centering practice: mediatation, yoga, exercise
• Eat well
• Stop habits that numb you or injure you
• Start and end each day with an awareness of what you DO have and what you are grateful for

You are the most valuable asset to your business (and your life!). If your life is not calm and happy most of the time, stop and see what you can do. IT IS UP TO YOU!!!!!!

As promised, Justin Zimmerman recorded and is sharing the 11 sessions that were part of the fundraiser for Haiti.

Over $2K was raised last week during the 6 hour marathon of real estate speakers. (and probably more since the only way we could tell was when someone registered that they had donated on Justin's page- I am sure there were many that just did the text to the Red Cross and didn't let us know!)

These are available to you at no cost with the hopes that you will donate to Haiti.

http://www.goodmorningrealestate.com/blog/agent-helping-haiti-free-downloads

Do yourself a favor and listen to training that could skyrocket your career this year and then pay it forward with a donation!  Thanks Justin!!!!

It DOES Make a difference who you spend time with! You've heard me (and many others!) say "what you focus on expands". If you surround yourself news and people who give you more evidence of how tough it is...it's easy to buy into excuses for your own results. If you want to attract and create more to be positive, happy and grateful about ... your thinking and positive emotional state are the best tools you have to start with. Is it time to upgrade your Rolodex and your experiences? Have you outgrown some of the people you hang out with? Or are the folks to spend time with each day inspiring and encouraging?

In 2010, I am personally passionate about what I am calling Social Partnering^TM. I'll be writing a series of articles over the next few months about how to use Social Partnering^TM and offering ways for you to use the concept to be more successful this year! I am kicking this off here and there will be more on this month's free Fossland's Forum on building more referrals by building your social partner team.

From expansion of your strategic partners to participation with positive people or mastermind groups, I see the opportunity to the average agent to excel and the extraordinary agent to soar this year. With social media tools and Web 2.0, our ability to reach out and use our good relationship social capital to enhance the value we bring clients and customers is expanded in miraculous ways. That doesn't mean we won't bring the online offline-in fact, that's the point! A powerful combination of expanding your previous reach and adding the new is going to bring happiness to those who master the skill. Our relationships then bring value to us! And, I know many of you are very, very good at relationships...so you already are a leg up here!

And, this is really where it all starts. You know that your attitude is so important to your success and who you surround yourself with can make it easier or harder, right. Which do you want this year: easy or hard?

Jack Canfield, the author and motivational speaker, has shared a personal story. He had become very successful, using the principles he learned from Clement Stone and the teachings of Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, (this book is still available free here). He says he had grown his yearly income to $1,000,000 and it was stable and steady there. He set, however, a goal of $10,000,000 but his income stayed stuck at $1M. As he ruminated about why he was stuck, someone asked him what the average income was of those in his mastermind group. This was his "ah ha" moment as he realized they were all making $1M too! Now, not a bad a group that most of us could benefit from hanging out with, but not a fit for his expanded dreams.

Have you expanded your dreams and not matched new partners, friends and supporters to those NEW visions? Or have you given up and become resigned that you can have what you really want because of some outside influences, like the economy or some other personal excuse? There WERE people having their very best year ever last year! Were you in that group? If you were, hooray for you! If not, now is the time to decide what you really want in 2010. Old strategies will not get you there. It's a brave, new world. And one filled with opportunity! How amazingly fortunate we are to be living here in the United States with so many freedoms to create our lives.

Here are some other actions that will help:

• Limit your exposure to the media and the "bad" news
• Add some daily inspiring messages to your life.
• Make a list of your 5 closest friends-do they reflect and support your dreams?
• Find one or two new friends to hang out with some more that are inspiring
• Buddy with someone who is as inspiring and committed as you want to be and become accountability partners
• Form or join a mastermind group and meet regularly to support each other
• Begin and end each day counting your blessings!

Put yourself in a place this year where you get the support and encouragement you need to stay focused, aligned and productive.

For 2010, take in less negative input and find the good every day and I promise you it would feel better. It may sound simple, but the best actions usually are. And, it is much easier if the people around you are aligned with the same thinking!